NEWSLGBT AGING

Picture this, it’s Christmas Day 2010.  For some people, the only gift to open is their mind.  And that can be painful. Maybe Mrs. Fischer down the hall at the We Care nursing home is the lucky one.  She has a revolving door of visitors beyond her regular family visits … heads of state, royalty and her favorite visitor Bing Crosby.

Three rooms down from Mrs. Fischer is Tom’s room. The window to Tom’s mind is shut, for he dare not expose his bridled past. Tom was a pharmacist in this small Mississippi town – a damn good one. Visions of RX numbers dance in his head; he could rattle off half the town’s ailments … Evelyn Harris – arthritis, Rusty Simms – high blood pressure, Millie Williams – depression.

As well liked in the community as Tom was, he kept to himself most of the time and never married. When the time came and Tom could no longer live independently, the only eldercare facility in the area, We Care nursing home, was glad to take him. And why not, he served his country, he paid his taxes – good ole American values. But would We Care care for Tom if they knew whom he had loved?

We Care may be fictional, but as baby boomers age across our country, and in small towns in particular, there are many Toms and Millies living in physical and/or emotional isolation because of fear of ridicule or even bodily harm. SAGE, Service and Advocacy for GLBT Elders, in 2010 received an unprecedented grant from the Department of Health and Human Services to establish a way to connect to people like Tom and the people who care for them. This lifeline to so many gay older adults is the National Resource Center on LGBT Aging.

A few years ago the County of Sonoma in California showed its despicable and ignorant hand when it physically separated and isolated Clay Greene from his injured partner Harold Scull, seized the men's possessions, sold those items at auction, forced them into separate nursing facilities and denied them their due legal rights and protection. As this story went viral in April 2010, the general response both here at change.org and around the country was palpable and appropriate outrage. A lawsuit against the County of Sonoma, along with Agua Caliente Villa, the nursing home where Greene was forced to live, commenced immediately, alleging about 50 counts of various, heinous crimes.

And now, months later, Sonoma County has tucked its tail between its legs and skulked away from what was surely going to be a terrible trial, and settled out of court. In retribution for all their sins, the County will pay $600,000 to Harold and Clay's estate (with almost half of that going to attorney's fees ... why do I not practice law again?). Agua Caliente will pay an additional $53,000.

So that's all well and good, I guess. Money can't ever erase the three tortuous months the two men spent apart, stripped of their home, their dignity, and their partnership before Harold died alone in a nursing home. It can't replace the possessions, gathered over a 20 year relationship, that the county wrongfully seized and then sold at auction. It can't undo the emotional hurt. At this point, all Sonoma County has to give is money, so it'll have to do.

With the all-too-frequent news of LGBT struggles and strife, it is heartening to see good news once in a while. One story last week brought a smile to my face: the marriage of Henry Schalizki, 88, and Bob Davis, 89.

The men began their romance in 1945. They wed on June 20, 2010, in Washington, D.C. The Washington Post noted that their relationship has lasted “through the terms of 12 U.S. presidents, starting with Harry Truman.”

I cannot think of them, however, without also thinking of Del Martin and Phyllis Lyon who were together more than 50 years before they became the first same-sex couple to marry legally in San Francisco. Martin did not live long enough to know that five months later, voters rescinded the right of same-sex couples to marry in California. Whether that was a blessing or a curse is a question I leave to those who knew her personally.

Tim Pawlenty is the conservative Governor of Minnesota, who is ramping up for a 2012 campaign for the GOP Presidential nomination. Witness his travel schedule (hello Iowa, New Hampshire and South Carolina), and his efforts to woo anti-gay voters with interviews like this, where he calls transgender people a threat to third graders and apologizes for once supporting an anti-discrimination measure aimed at protecting LGBT people from being fired from their jobs.

Suffice it to say, it seems like the last thing Gov. Pawlenty wants to deal with before leaving the Minnesota Governor's office is gay rights legislation. Yet that's what he's likely to face in the coming weeks, as the Minnesota legislature moves forward with a bill that will allow same-sex couples the right to make end-of-life decisions, and also file wrongful death suits.

It sounds like a basic human right, huh? Couples who've been together for years, if not decades, being allowed to plan the end of their lives together, or being allowed recourse to a court of law if something particularly tragic happens that kills one of the partners. Yet in Minnesota, these are but two of the 515 rights that same-sex couples currently do not have because the state bans gay marriage.

This week, the Minnesota House of Representatives overwhelming passed a bill that will give gay couples power over end-of-line decisions, as well as access to wrongful death litigation. Now the question is whether Gov. Pawlenty will be willing to support it. Yes, it sounds like simple human rights, but it would also mark the first time that Minnesota law would recognize same-sex couples as legitimate, something anti-gay voters are likely to hold over Pawlenty as the 2012 primary comes creeping along. Is Tim Pawlenty willing to get in the middle of end-of-life decisions for gay couples?

Send his office a message right now urging him to get behind this legislation. End-of-life decisions are best left to the people most intimately involved; and everyone should have the right to die in accordance with their wishes.

Upon passage of the law in the Minnesota House yesterday, Read More »

The most hated place in the country right now might just be Sonoma County in California. And who could blame folks, given the story of gay couple Harold Scull and Clay Greene, and how the County forcibly separated these two elderly men and evicted them from their home.

It's a heart-breaking story, symbolic of everything that's wrong with policies like the Defense of Marriage Act, which continue to prevent gay and lesbian relationships from being recognized with the dignity they deserve.

Harold and Clay had been together 20 years, building a life and a house together. One day Harold had a terrible accident, and was forced to go to the hospital. Despite having all of their legal paperwork in order, Clay was denied access to Harold in the hospital. That meant that the person who knew Harold best in this world, Clay, wasn't allowed to consult with doctors about Harold's care. Clay wasn't allowed to hold Harold's hand in the hospital room, and he wasn't given information about Harold's condition.

It gets even worse. As Kate Kendall, Executive Director of the National Center for Lesbian Rights, points out, soon Sonoma County got involved in the ordeal. Only their involvement was far from good news. With Harold in the hospital, Sonoma County petitioned a court to be able to make financial decisions on Harold's behalf. They would soon forcibly evict the couple from their house, and auction off the couple's possessions. And then they would place both men in separate nursing homes, keeping Harold and Clay apart from each other for the first time in over 20 years.

It was in this separate nursing home where, after three months, Harold died, alone. He had no house and no life partner by his side. And it was all because of the actions of Sonoma County.

Clay, with the help of several California attorneys, is now fighting Sonoma County for the injustice they caused. A hearing is set for July 2010, where Sonoma County could be brought to justice for their appalling and atrocious actions in this case.

But it shouldn't take a lawsuit to convince Sonoma County that what they did in this case was abhorrent. Send a message today to Sonoma County, specifically their Director of Human Services (a defendant in the case), saying that you demand justice for what happened to Harold and Clay.

No couple deserves to be broken apart. But the ruthless way that these two men were separated, forced to be apart while government administrators auctioned off their belongings, is not only wrong, it's inhuman. Send a message today.

Stories like Harold's and Clay's make it all the more critical for federal-l

My friend (and editor) Mike just posted on Change.org a sad story about an attack on gay hospital patients, and then I went and read this tragic story. Clay, 77, and Harold, 88, have been together for over twenty years, living in Sonoma County, CA. They had their legal affairs in order — rights of attorney, wills, all that business.

Then Harold fell down the stairs of their home. He was taken to the hospital, but since Clay and Harold had it all covered, they weren't worried that they would be prevented from seeing each other. But no, Clay was denied the opportunity to see Harold in the hospital.

And it gets worse.

I intend to grow old. My 40-year plan includes retirement, a tricked out, zero footprint RV and my darling wife. I'd like to think that by that time all of this anti-gay grumbling will have subsided, having been quieted by marriage equality, the end of "Don't Ask, Don't Tell," and the disbanding of Focus on the Family. Even then, when I'm older and kookier and able to finish the New York Times Sunday crossword puzzle in under three days, I'll be thankful for folks like Joy Lynn Lewis and Sheila Ortiz-Taylor for ensuring I have a gay old time when I'm old and gay.

Joy and Sheila had, like many of their straight friends, decided to retire to the posh landscape of the Westminster Oaks Community in Tallahassee, Florida. One look at the website, and you'll be clamoring for a spot, too. Seriously, retirement -- active living -- looks awesome there. I don't blame Joy and Sheila for putting their names down early for one of the lovely homes on the property.

Just one teeny tiny little problem. Westminster Oaks has a policy of only allowing married couples to purchase and live in homes together. And so Joy and Sheila were faced with that unsolvable conundrum so familiar to so many gays -- how do I get something that's only for married people when, because I am gay, I can't get married? The answer for Joy and Sheila? Hire an attorney.

For the next six years, the National Center for Lesbian Rights (NCLR) worked to ensure that when the time came to trade it all in for dinner theatre and water aerobics, Joy and Sheila would be welcomed in their active living community of choice. And it worked. The two are polishing their golf clubs as we speak.

Last year, the group Services and Advocacy for Gay, Lesbian, Bisexual & Transgender Elders (better known as SAGE), made history by partnering with the American Association of Retired Persons (AARP) in the latter's first ever conference focused solely on LGBT aging.

Now, SAGE is making history again, this time by receiving a grant from the U.S. government's Health and Human Services Department and the Administration on Aging. But this isn't just any grant; the award is $900,000 over three years, and will lead to the first ever national center dedicated to focusing on LGBT aging issues.

It will be known as the National Technical Assistance Resource Center for LGBT Elders, and it will assist communities across the country in their efforts to provide services and supports for older LGBT people. Talk about ground-breaking. And talk about reaching a constituency within the LGBT population that is often underserved.