101 Things to Be for Halloween Other Than a Pimp

Here's how my Halloween usually goes: go out with friends, run into a guy dressed as a pimp, proceed to corner the pimp and explain why his costume is inappropriate and offensive. Yep -- I'm pretty much a buzz-kill. I would love to have a conflict-free Halloween this year (and one where my friends don't ditch me), but that's only going to happen if no one dresses up in costumes that glamorize pimping. Pimps are people who exploit women. Period. Yet Halloween glamorizes pimps like no other holiday. Maybe it's because their stereotypical attire makes an outlandish costume. Maybe it's because they are an easily recognizable part of American culture. There have been pimp costumes available on the Internet for a long time, but now even your dog can be a pimp. And as Kat over at Polaris Project points out, so can your pumpkin.

I know coming up with a Halloween costume is hard, so to help you out, I've provided 101 ideas for cosutmes that don't glorify criminals who rape women and sell them like objects. If you're thinking of dressing like a pimp, pick one of these instead, especially if you live in the DC area. Because you don't want to meet me and my feminist literature in a dark alley on Halloween night.

101 Things to Be for Halloween that Aren't a Pimp

1. NASCAR driver
2. Wizard with a pegleg
3. Amelia Earheart
4. Dinosaur
5. Cat in a litterbox
6. Zombie lumberjack
7. Your mom
8. Flapper
9. Harlem Globetrotter
10. Wall-E
11. Chuck Norris
12. Drunk robot
13. Pancake
14. Simpson's character
15. Golfer
16. Sarah Palin
17. King of Spades
18. Slutty panda
19. Keg of beer
20. Wind up penguin toy
21. Hipster
22. Michael Jackson
23. Bunch of grapes
24. Wizard with an expensive prosthetic leg
25. Party animal
26. George W. Bush
27. Ghost eating a muffin
28. Little Orphan Annie
29. Sexy or not-so-sexy librarian
30. Voltran
31. Waldo
32. Peanut M&Ms
33. Mummy
34. Tooth fairy
35. Cop with a mohawk
36. Ultimate frisbee player
37. Bernie Madoff
38. Harry Potter
39. An underpaid babysitter
40. Sexy Abraham Lincoln
41. Starfish
42. Grasshopper with anxiety disorder
43. Someone else's mom
44. Peter Pan
45. Bee keeper
46. Cookie Monster
47. Drunk jerk at the bar
48. Marathon runner
49. Naked skydiver
50. Feminist Rapunzel who made him take the stairs
51. iPod commercial
52. The bartender's mom
53. A vampire from Twilight or True Blood
54. A stick
55. Santa Claus
56. Frodo Baggins
57. Dishwasher
58. Shifty-eyed chipmunk
59. Scarlet fever
60. Marie Antoinette
61. Rabbit
62. Bag of jelly beans
63. Nina, Pinta, and/or Santa Maria
64. The Big Bad Wolf in grandma's mu-mu
65. Detective
66. Break dancer
67. Uncertain pie
68. A maid of any nationality other than French
69. The guy from "The Wrestler"
70. A Trans-Am
71. Pony
72. Sack of bricks
73. The cute kid from Where the Wild Things Are
74. Christian Amanpour
75. Ants at a picnic
76. Michael Moore
77. Charles in Charge
78. Hobo who reads Chaucer
79. Carnie (Wilson or the profession)
80. Magic bean
81. Cheerleader
82. Elvis
83. Robot Chicken
84. Abominable Snowman
85. Half angel, half devil
86. Dreidel
87. Batman
88. A rouge fisherman with poor night vision
89. Pedicurist
90. Banana
91. Vietnam protester
92. Shooting star
93. Man on horseback
94. Spock
95. Don and Betty Draper
96. Walnut grove
97. Adam Lambert
98. Unicorn on steroids
99. 3 dollar bill
100. Witch with buckteeth
101. The Gosselin Family

Now, you have no excuse to be a pimp this Halloween. So have fun this weekend, be safe, and if you see someone dressed as a pimp, tell him to read this blog next year.

Photo credit: bovinemagnet