A Must-Read NCLB Fairy-Tale Critique

New Jersey Science Teacher and homespun philosopher Michael Doyle (mentioned in Web Roundup post below) doesn't know I'm nicking his "Cautionary Tale" to showcase here, and I don't care.

I consider it a moral theft. He can kill me later.

It's a great critiques of NCLB and high-stakes testing - and comes in the form of an allegorical little fairy tale that would do the Grimms and A. A. Milne proud. (You'll have to go to Michael's place to discover the "sekrit" at the end, though.)

Here it is:

A Cautionary Tale

King Ceanothus ruled the land and declared himself the Learner. He decreed all other children shall become learners, too.

And the people rejoiced!

.

So the children were taught this and the children were taught that, then that, and some more of this. This and that and that and this.

And the children took the National This and That Learner test and...gasp...most of them failed!

King Ceonathus thought and thought--why he knew a "this." And he knew a "that." He thought and thought and thought some more.

Towers fell, and poppies grew, but the King continued his thinking of this and of that.

.

And the people rejoiced.

And now the children did double this and double that. They called a this a triple this that, and a that a triple that this! Oh, they learned and learned and learned some more!

The children then took the International National This and That Learner Exam, upgraded and revised and validated at much expense and stamped with the Official Seal of the Land of Ceanothus.
And they failed again--except in the district of Here and There.

.

We dipped them in lard, had them stand on their heads,
Made them study real hard, fed them bennies and reds,
We stapled and folded and creased without end,
Our methods are valid, with proof to defend

The key to success is to put Thissing First:
That makes our children no longer the worst.
We're the Miracle in Houston, the success in Chicago
We even topped scores of some school in Wells Fargo.

(But hear's the real sekrit, come listen and learn....

[....again, you must click here - Do Not Pass Go - to learn the "sekrit" on Michael's post.]

~

À propos of nothing, Michael is yet one more piece of evidence of what my teaching career has taught me over and over: Science teachers are an interesting breed. They're often as good at liberal arts as liberal arts teachers themselves, and as well-read in literature and other humanities disciplines (and I'm an English and history teacher, mind you).

I think it has something to do with the sort of curiosity they must have always had, that led them to science in the first place - and other mental realms of gold beyond science. Did any of you ever get that feeling about science types?

Anyway, if you don't subscribe to Michael, you're missing out. He has a way of bringing out the poetry and spirit of science - the things textbooks so expertly kill.

[Update: Yippee. Michael just agreed, via back-channel negotiations, to grace this space with occasional guest-posts.]

Scantron image from Greene County Public Library.