Born Free Discovers "Distinct New Elephant Sub-Species"

(Washington, DC)—American and British conservation biologists, in coordination with scientific educators and zoological researchers, have announced today the possible discovery of a distinct new elephant sub-species, which they have named Elephas maximus zoochoticus. However, the species, which exists in small populations scattered throughout various countries globally, is already thought to be at risk of extinction.

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“While it is an incredibly exciting day for all of us in the conservation community to announce the existence of a new elephant sub-species,” noted Will Travers, CEO of the Born Free Foundation and Born Free USA, “the highly endangered status of Elephas maximus zoochoticus may mean we have only a short time to study and understand this unique sub-species before it disappears.”

Researchers have identified a number of specific physical attributes that sets Elephas maximus zoochoticus apart from the superficially similar wild Asian elephant (Elephas maximus) and even more so from wild African elephants (Loxodonta africana).

These include:

• Shortened legs with distinctive narrowing of the limbs, possibly resulting from enforced muscle atrophy due to movement restrictions.
• A reduction in ear size, possibly due to a reduced need for thermo-regulation
• Cracked skin, often with horny growths.
• Hardening of the footpads thought to have developed to cope with unnatural underfoot conditions, such as cement flooring.

Elephas maximus zoochoticus has adapted remarkably to its specific habitat throughout its range. It is known to be confined to very small territories – some as small as one-tenth or one-quarter of an acre. Unlike African savannah elephants who require many square miles of habitat, or African and Asian forest elephants who inhabit often dense jungles and whose daily range is determined by the availability of naturally occurring foods, individuals of this distinct sub-species are thought by some to require little more than a small area of stable substrate (such as dirt or cement) and, where feasible, a tree or two. In the colder times of year, long-term observations indicate that Elephas maximus zoochoticus are perfectly suited to spending long periods in small, indoor enclosures, where tethering may occur for significant periods of time.

Take a look at your calendar, and then continue reading this press release from animal protection organization Born Free. It continues far beyond this introduction and is remarkably detailed. Touche, my friends. Touche.

Update: Make sure to check out the comments on this post, for a message from Born Free USA's CEO about what is obviously the serious message contained within this April Fool's press release.

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Photo of Pearl, at the St. Louis Zoo, courtesy of Clara's Voice