Constructive Dialogue: ASAN's Petition to Tony Attwood and Isabelle Hénault

[Ed. Thanks to Meg for this guest piece on a critical issue and action which she is much better able than me to do sufficient justice.]

Ordinarily when couples go for counseling, they are advised to respect the validity of each other's perspectives. In order to have a constructive dialogue, they are told, it is necessary to stop placing all the blame on the other partner and, instead, to examine the root causes of the misunderstandings and look for ways that both partners can contribute to positive solutions.

This process of constructive dialogue is very important when the partners come from different cultural backgrounds. Because of their cultural differences, they may misinterpret one another's word choices and behaviors, finding meanings that were not intended. They may not share the same expectations for their relationship. On the basis of faulty assumptions, they may at times see the other person's perspective as hostile or irrational. When this happens, they need to talk about their differences in neutral and nonjudgmental terms.

Such misunderstandings also can arise when one partner is autistic and the other is not. They may have different expectations and may fail to understand one another's perspectives, just as with any relationship in which cross-cultural issues are present. Psychologists and other counselors who work with such couples should emphasize the importance of mutual respect and acceptance of each other's differences in working through their problems.

Unfortunately, there are organizations calling themselves support groups for non-autistic partners, such as FAAAS and ASPIA, which take the opposite approach and put the blame on the autistic partner. They are following the lead of British psychologist Maxine Aston, who asserts—without benefit of peer-reviewed research or any professional recognition whatsoever of her claims—that the non-autistic partner suffers from what Aston calls "Cassandra Affective Deprivation Disorder" as a result of not having his or her needs met by the autistic partner. According to Aston and the groups that promote her Cassandra claims, the autistic partner must therefore change to meet the non-autistic partner's needs and expectations. The blame for the relationship's difficulties and the burden of making changes all fall upon the autistic partner, who is not recognized as an equal partner with valid needs and expectations of his or her own.

Both Tony Attwood and Isabelle Hénault have presented at several conferences sponsored by FAAAS, in which they spoke about autistic relationships and sexuality, and they recently gave presentations addressing these topics at a conference sponsored by ASPIA. Moreover, Attwood and Hénault are both members of a professional advisory panel that consults with FAAAS' board of directors. This is very concerning to the Autistic Self Advocacy Network and to many people in the autistic and cross-disability communities because FAAAS has a long history of stereotyping autistics and people with neurological disabilities as irrational, violent, abusive toward their family members, and incapable of adequate parenting. Articles containing similar hate speech also have been posted on the ASPIA website.

Although these concerns have been raised privately, no suitable response has been forthcoming. Accordingly, ASAN has created a petition calling on Attwood and Hénault to sever their ties with FAAAS, ASPIA, and all Cassandra hate groups, and to issue a public statement and apology acknowledging the harm caused by their involvement with these groups. Disability stereotypes and other hate speech cannot be part of a constructive dialogue.