Cornell Newspaper: Being Gay Just Like an Eating Disorder?

Ah, coming out. It can be quite the process in someone's life, full of nerves, anxiety, hope, comfort, and pretty much every other emotion under the sun. The first person I came out to gave me a hug. The second person did, too. The third person called Pat Robertson, and asked him to say a prayer for me on The 700 Club. (We've since lost touch. Imagine that.)

Indeed, the coming out process can be unpredictable, which is why we all work through it in our own way.

Maybe someone should tell the ethicist for Cornell's student newspaper that. Because in a column that ran this week, Elisabeth Rosen, the paper's ethics writer and print therapist, suggested to a questioning student that she should disclose to everyone that she lives with that she's a lesbian, because homosexuality might make her housemates uncomfortable.

And then Rosen went and compared homosexuality to an eating disorder, as well as a woman who doesn't know how to insert a tampon.You just can't make it up.

"Everyone has secrets. Your roommate might not know how to put in a tampon, or the skinniest girl on campus might have secret Twinkie binges every night. But these secrets don’t affect anyone else, while yours does," Rosen tells the questioning student. "It would be just as unethical for you to 'pretend to be straight' to avoid discomfort as it would be for a guy to get breast implants in order to land a sweet single in [an all female dorm]. No matter what the motivation, placing your roommates in a situation that could potentially make them very uncomfortable if they knew the truth is just not ethical."

Actually, what's unethical is for someone to tell a questioning student that their sexual orientation might make others feel icky. That's hardly fostering a positive mood for coming out. Even worse, to suggest that other people should determine one's coming out process, instead of the person in question, is pretty insensitive.

Take a moment to let Cornell's newspaper know that when it comes to ethics, comparing homosexuality to an eating disorder and demanding a student come out before she's ready is just not ethical advice.

A few other folks have criticized Rosen's advice, too. Over at Jezebel, Anna North notes that Rosen's advice comes close to prioritizing the homophobic feelings of others, rather than the questioning student's own considerations.

"What Rosen's basically saying is that [the questioning student] is morally obliged to come out before she's ready just because the news might make some people uncomfortable. Translation: their comfort — or rather, their ability to register disapproval and possibly move to get her kicked out of the house — is more important than [the questioning student's] right to privacy," North notes.

Rachel K at Autostraddle ups the criticism a notch, and takes Cornell's student newspaper to task for legitimizing homophobia, as well as the stereotype that gay people are interested in jumping the bones of every member of the same-sex that they come across.

"Glenn Beck makes me uncomfortable every time he opens his f*cking mouth, and no one f*cking cares about that," Rachel K writes. "What if she does come out, and the [student's] roommates are uncomfortable? Is she then obligated to leave the sorority and move out? Be chemically castrated so she won’t care if anyone’s naked? Undergo conversion therapy?" Then Rachel K adds the punctuation mark of all punctuation marks.

"I’m just completely shocked and disgusted that someone who bills themselves as an 'ethicist' really believes the tired, malicious story about gay people being predatory."

Now that's quite the dig. But it's not entirely inaccurate at all.

I have no doubt that Elisabeth Rosen is a really smart person. Heck, I couldn't get into Cornell. And I have no doubt that Elisabeth Rosen is a good writer, as her columns are really well written, and pretty witty. But in this case? It seems like the snark line was crossed, and perhaps unintentionally, some really awful stuff was legitimized, including homophobia and myths that gay people prey on others.

Coming out is a really delicate process. And when someone is questioning their sexual orientation, the right thing to do isn't to push them over Niagara Falls in a barrel, nor is it to let them know that their sexual orientation is bound to make others feel all gross and nasty. That's not ethical. And in fact, it's potentially really dangerous.

As someone who doesn't really know a lick about ethics, I'm not sure what the right advice for a student questioning their sexual orientation is. But I can guess that is has something to do with prioritizing their safety, helping them find the confidence to be who they are, and reassuring the questioning person that if someone does have a problem with their sexual orientation, it's not the questioning student's fault.

Maybe it's just me, but that sounds a whole lot more ethical than telling someone that hiding their sexual orientation is just like an eating disorder.

Photo credit: philosopherkingsmovie