Does the Eminem/Rihanna Domestic Abuse Video Send the Right Message?

There are two things I really like about Eminem and Rihanna's "Love the Way You Lie" music video, which tells the story of a domestic violence situation. First off, it's sparked a lot of conversation about domestic abuse. And secondly, Josie Raymond reports on End Homelessness that Megan Fox, who stars in the video, donated every last penny of her paycheck on this project to a shelter for battered women and children.

But, like certain other feminist bloggers, I'm left with a big question mark about how the song itself makes me feel.

Eminem and Rihanna pairing up on this song assured it would receive plenty of attention: not only do they both have major star power, he was accused of domestic abuse, while she is a domestic abuse survivor. That makes people curious about their take on the subject.

But the message of the song is far from clear. Some view it as a mutually abusive relationship, while others see the woman as the true victim, since her occasional wild swings are not comparable to the brutality inflicted upon her, and the male lyric talks about tying "her to the bed and set the house on fire." Still other have interpreted this as a sadomasochistic (S&M) relationship rather than a domestic violence situation. The song has also been criticized for victim-blaming because of Rihanna's repeated lyric that she "likes the way it hurts." (A.k.a. "she wanted it.")

I see a significant problem with Rihanna's lines about liking the pain because, while it seems to read as a woman in love trying to justify staying, it confuses some people about the distinction between S&M and domestic violence. Non-abusive S&M is a consensual act between two partners for mutual pleasure; a situation like the one in the song, where the violence comes out of anger and pushed the abused partner to try to leave, and where it escalates to potential murder, is not S&M, it's just domestic abuse.

In deciding to donate her earnings to a battered women's shelter, Fox sends a clearer message than the song does about what she considers to be at stake. On the other hand, Fox's co-star, Dominic Monaghan, who plays the abusive partner, makes comments that minimize the seriousness of domestic abuse. "I think we tried as hard as we could to not glorify the violence, to try and explain that this was a relationship that is by no means ideal and a relationship that probably should have ended a lot sooner than it did," Monaghan told MTV News. "Ultimately, what I think [Eminem is] trying to say in the song ... is that he should have walked away a little bit quicker than he did and not let it get as messy as it did."

When you're talking about tying somebody to the bed and burning down the house with her in it, I think it's well past "messy" and matter of getting out just a little sooner. After all, approximately 1000 women (or more) are killed each year by intimate partners. Maybe Eminem and Rihanna could have worked that stat into their duet?

So while I'm glad this song is calling attention to the issue of domestic violence in a high-profile way, and believe there are positive elements to and intentions behind it, I hope that most people's take-away message isn't along the lines of victim-blaming, misunderstanding consensual S&M, or minimizing violence. Women's lives depend on it.

Photo credit: Brandy Shaul