Dreams Can Change

I confess: When Charlie was younger, I shrunk from hearing about "older children." I still had the mindset that maybe we'd be "lucky" and Charlie would "lose his diagnosis" and we wouldn't have to bother with "all that special ed stuff."

Yes, I have learned to eat my words.

Indeed, it's accounts of parents with adult children who still, like my son, need services and support for their whole lives, that I'm especially drawn to. The February 14th YorkRegion.com profiles Elaine Vollett, whose now-38-year-old son John was born 13 weeks premature and given a 1% chance of surviving. She created the Centre for Dreams in Markham to "provide education and stimulation for people with developmental disabilities" after they finish school; the Centre became a registered charity in 2003 and offers educational programming, including job-training and life skills.

In a Q & A, Markham notes that she would have rathered that her son was born in this generation than in the previous one, as more services and supports are now available. Nonetheless, she notes:

"I know from chatting with parents who have had a baby with a developmental disability and have come to me and asked for advice. There are still problems so I think you would still have some work to do. Acceptance and services are far greater now."

In response to the question, "What are the difficulties you think still exist in the developmental services world today?," Vollette says:

"One of the biggest stigmas is the fact that people will say "Oh yes, they are cute, they are nice, they are friendly." Unless they know the individuals, they do not see how badly they want to have a job and how badly they want to get a paycheque, how eager they are to grow and try those things. They want to be a part of today's society, to love, play, work in their community, just like everybody else. There are limitations. Some could not put in a full eight-hour day like the rest of us. My son could not go out and put in eight hours of work like you would. So yes, people are very genuine, kind, empathetic to them but the one thing I want to accomplish is to remove that stigma of their limited capabilities.

I'm with Vollett----parents often speak of dreams dashed and lost on hearing that their child has been diagnosed with autism. But over the years, from the times when I couldn't imagine what life with an older Charlie, "still" in special ed and "still" autistic, would be like, I've found plenty to keep dreaming about.

Charlie is going to have a job someday, and is going to find his place in society---maybe these sounds like dreams, but they can become realities.

Here's another mother, whose twin sons are both on the spectrum, in a similar vein. Desiree Childress and her family were featured in the February 15th Martinsville Bulletin. Like Jim and Charlie, they've moved a couple of times to find the best education and services for their children. Childress, a nurse, is currently homeschooling her sons.

Childress said she is “100 percent sure, even with the grave prognosis we were given,” that David and Isaiah will one day live independently. “I really feel their potential is the same as any other child,” she added.
“Autism is just a part of their life,” she said of her sons. “I want them to be able to say ‘I have autism’ and not feel like they have to hide it. It’s not going to destroy me. That’s what needs to be promoted.
“We have yet to hit puberty,” which will bring new challenges, Childress said. “But we’ve made it this far, so I’m kind of like, ‘Bring it on.’”

As I've been writing, puberty does bring new challenges and it has at times been, well, challenging (only three more months till Charlie is 12---gulp). But I'm with Childress saying "Bring it on" and thankful to Vollett for reminding us, to keep on dreaming.

Photo by law_keven.