The Kids Are All Right Nails Families and Relationships

Admittedly, I was worried. A movie about lesbian moms and their teenage kids coming face to face with an anonymous sperm donor and then one of the moms has an affair with him? Seriously? I was pretty sure that the last thing the gay rights movement needs is some indie flick, by a lesbian filmmaker, sending a message that all a lesbian really needs to fix her life is a good, old hetero lay.

The good news is I was wrong. The better news is that The Kids Are All Right is a near perfect movie.

Family is a difficult subject. They all have their ups and downs, their joys and flaws, strengths and weaknesses. The Kids Are All Right tells the story of one family, two moms, two kids, who have reached the level of intimacy and familiarity we all love and hate about our own families. That point when couples lose sight of each other among the drudgeries of raising kids, when kids default to rebellions, when all the things that make that family so amazing, so loving, so unique have given way to a comfortable, dysfunctional routine. This is apparent within the first five minutes of the film because Lisa Cholodenko, co-writer and director, is so well-versed in the short hand of relationships.

So if you've ever had a family, or a sibling, or a parent, or an anonymous sperm donor dad, or a step-parent, you'll get it. You'll get why the kids are curious about their donor dad. You'll get why the family is so rocked by the entrance of a third adult. (Honestly, what percentage of families these days doesn't involve a third adult — step-parent, new love interest, birth parent?) You'll totally understand everyone's reasons for loving and hating each other through the process. And the affair? Guess what, you'll get it. Or at least I did, because it is fully organic to the characters and their choices ... not, as I'd feared, a provocative plot device.

Really, this isn't a movie about lesbians. And it's not a movie about sperm donation, or gay rights. It's not about how kids need a father figure, or don't, or how two moms are enough. It is a coming of age story, for all of the characters. A moment of crisis, which brings out the best and the worst, where everyone responds in the way they can. And over the course of the two hours, you get to watch them make mistakes and learn from them. It's humanity, pure and simple.

What's more, it exists within a moral ambiguity, where there is no right or wrong answer. When donor Paul raises his glass to "an unconventional family," he's totally right. And when mom Nic tells him if he wants a family he should make one of his own, she's totally right. This family unit is faced with a unique set of questions. It's how they each go about trying to answer them that makes the movie so utterly compelling, because they are all equally valid, although very distinct, responses.

All that being said, it was thrilling, and kind of emotional, to see a family like mine up on the big screen. The actors are spot on, and even though I know that Annette Bening and Julianne Moore are straight, they sure do make a convincing couple of lesbians. (Imagine that, real life sexuality doesn't get in the way. Huh.) And the subtle dialogue about genetics, each mom connected to their biological bloodlines, is one likely to resonate with lesbian moms everywhere. The kids (Mia Wasikowsa and Josh Hutcherson) are how I hope my own kids grow up to be — equally annoyed and amused by their parents, struggling to become adults, coming into their own.

And the soundtrack rocks. What more do you need?

Photo credit: Suzanne Tenner