Gay Teen Suicides: Why We're Honoring National Coming Out Month

Earlier this year my partner, Caleb Eigsti, wanted to address and give hope to the younger members of our community, many of whom he saw as being unsupported and, as we all sadly know, at much greater risk of committing suicide. A week ago Wednesday, September 22, Caleb wrote, "October: National Coming Out Month At The New Civil Rights Movement," dedicating the entire month to daily postings of coming out stories. He wrote:

"This year as we approach National Coming Out Day (NCOD) I’ve had a different feeling than in the past. Normally, I would let the day slide by and not really think about it. It’s never held a huge significance in my life. And I’ve always thought, why just one day out of the year? However, this year it hit me — the connection finally hit me — LGBT youth are three times as likely to attempt suicide. LGBT youth need role models. LGBT youth need hope."

Sadly, just hours later that day, Tyler Clementi, an 18-year old Rutgers freshman, jumped to his death off the George Washington Bridge, after being videotaped in his own dorm room, in an apparently intimate moment with another man, and, in real-time, outed by his own college roommate via video and Twitter.

One day later, a 13-year old gay teen, Asher Brown, put a 9mm Beretta to his head and killed himself. He had been physically and emotionally harassed and bullied, while his school ignored complaints from his parents.

Thursday, September 30, Seth Walsh, also 13, gay, and relentlessly bullied, was taken off life support after his suicide attempt -- by hanging. He had spent nine days on life support.

Earlier this month, on September 9, Billy Lucas, a 15-year-old gay teen, died after hanging himself.

And now, today, news comes that a fifth student, Raymond Chase of Johnson & Wales University, hung himself this past Wednesday. Authorities are still investigating.

These are but the most recent stories of gay youth and teen suicides. There are countless others. For every LGBTQ youth suicide that makes the national press, there are others that do not, or of which we will never know the real cause.

Last year, 11-year old Sirdeaner (Carl) L. Walker hung himself. He was gay, bullied at school daily, while school officials ignored the problem.

Also last year, another 11-year old boy, Jaheem Herrera, hung himself after coming home from school, having been subjected to taunts and bullying.

As I said, there are countless others.

We should make no mistake: this is an epidemic.

Even the conservative media recognizes the problem. Thursday, in "Death of California youth puts focus on rise in antigay bullying," the Christian Science Monitor wrote:

"In a 2009 survey of more than 7,000 LGBT middle and high school students by Presgraves’ Education Network, 84.6 percent said they were verbally harassed, 40.1 percent physically harassed, and 18.8 percent physically assaulted at school in the past year because of their sexual orientation."

But it's no surprise that September, "back-to-school" month, was full of reports of harassment, bullying, and anti-gay violence. Our schools are being attacked from the right, our nation's history books are being re-written, and, now, there's this, as I wrote exactly one month ago today in "Bullying Is So Gay":

“Focus On The Family” and the “American Family Association” would like you to think that part of the gay agenda, in addition to marriage equality (or, “homosexual marriage,” as the hate-mongers like to call it,) is instituting anti-bullying policies in schools. And they are outraged because they “think” that LGBT advocacy groups are now the schoolyard bully.

"Focus On The Family’s latest endeavor, a website called “True Tolerance,” claims to offer “New Resources on Bullying Issues,” yet right up front asks, “Concerned about homosexual advocacy in your child’s school?”

Evidently, “New Resources on Bullying Issues” means, “Here’s how to help your kids bully other kids and get away with it.”

And evidently, Focus on the Family believes creating a "pro-bullying" website will strengthen America. They couldn't be more wrong.

When will this stop? When will our nation's LGBTQ youth not be bullied for being "different?" When will all children feel safe going to school, and coming home?

LGBTQ youth are three to six times more likely to attempt or successfully-commit suicide. Forty percent of all runaway youth are LGBTQ.

We owe them better.

I honestly hoped that the recent successes we have had in federal courts, on "Don't Ask, Don't Tell," on the Defense of Marriage Act (DOMA,) and on Prop 8, along with the news of growing support for these LGBTQ causes, would have made it just a little bit easier on our youth. Sadly, their suicides prove that is not yet the case.

I can't help but wonder if the acts of truly-bigoted adults, acts like the creation of "True Tolerance," acts like the racist signs and homophobic comments we see from the Tea Party, we see in the news from "pro-family" groups like the National Organization for Marriage, Focus on the Family, the American Family Association, and others, are partly responsible for creating and maintaining an environment that enables hate and homophobia, and environment that enabled these suicides.

Yes, our youth are under attack. We need to support them.

Some folks, like Dan Savage, are doing a great job. From his YouTube-based project, 'It Gets Better," Savage laments that, "gay adults aren't allowed to talk to these kids. Schools and churches don't bring us in to talk to teenagers who are being bullied. Many of these kids have homophobic parents who believe that they can prevent their gay children from growing up to be gay — or from ever coming out — by depriving them of information, resources, and positive role models."

He asks, "Why are we waiting for permission to talk to these kids? We have the ability to talk directly to them right now. We don't have to wait for permission to let them know that it gets better. We can reach these kids."

You can talk to these kids too. Here's how.

Every weekday, starting October 1, we're posting a coming out story that will give our LGBTQ youth hope. It's not too late for you to share your story and give hope to someone struggling with being bullied, gay-bashed, harassed, taunted, or ostracized, just for being perceived as being "different."

Our "Out October Project" can give hope to today's youth. They can see the stories of others who made it to adulthood, despite a struggle, and know that, as Dan Savage said, it gets better.

Were you bullied as a child? I was. Many of us, too many of us, were.

What's worse now for the LGBTQ youth of today?

Their tormentors have bigger tools.

They have Twitter and Facebook. They have the entire Internet. They have cell phones and smartphones. They can stalk, they can text, email, gchat, iChat. They can take photos and videos, and post them online. Or threaten to.

And these bullies have their own parents and neighbors, many of whom are members of the reinvigorated radical right. They see their parents embracing these elements of the radical right, like the Tea Party, and they assume it's "OK" to hate, and to focus that hatred on those they believe are "different."

These adults, re-energized by the racism and the bigotry that reside in factions like the Tea Party, that they see in some media outlets, like Fox News, and from the religious right, all of which have sent the message, loud and clear, that the below-the-surface hatred and bigotry they harbor is now completely acceptable to shout out into the open.

When I was growing up, there was a project headlined by actress Marlo Thomas, called, "Free to Be... You and Me," which encouraged gender equality, and values such as tolerance and self-acceptance.

Today, it seems that has been replaced. Instead of, "Free to Be... You and Me," today's mantra is a la Glenn Beck: "Not racist, not violent, no longer silent." Except the first two parts seem to be optional.

It's time for us, the LGBTQ adults, to be "no longer silent" too. It's time for us to tell our stories, to tell our truth.

It's time for you give hope. It's time for you to save a life.

Won't you, too, share your story?

Photo credit: basykes