Happy Father's Day!

Pop over to Jen's post on the link between female-headed households and children living in poverty.  That is, women raising children alone are much more likely to be poor than households with two parents.  This correlation exists for so many reasons: wage inequality; less access to opportunity for women; terrible family leave policies; women's position in the labor market in lower-wage, less secure jobs; gender inequality in child-rearing; etc. etc.

I always hesitate to lecture men on fatherhood like Obama has done this year and the last (at least).  I'd rather spend my time making life easier, fairer, safer, and more rewarding for women and the children they raise.  But I also know how lucky I am to have the father I do - someone who worked his way out of poverty with the support of his parents, the Army, and by being able to take advantage of opportunities opened up to him as a smart, earnest, hard-working, able-bodied white man.  Even though my parents divorced when I was young, he's always been actively involved in my life and fiercely devoted to me.  And we like each other, which helps.  :)

I also have a wonderful, loving stepfather.  And growing up, I lived on the first floor of a 2 family with my mom, with my aunt and uncle living upstairs.  An uncle who also kept an eye on me, expecting me to shovel the driveway with him in the snow, expecting me to respect my elders and pull my weight in our family.  Basically, I know what it's like to have strong, loving men help raise me, even if they're not my biological father.

And that is what I wish for kids.  I wish everyone had a dad like mine, but committed, loving, invested adults who can parent kids is just as good, IMO.  Fathering and mothering are verbs, and biology does not necessarily equip people for these roles. What matters is the love, consistency, trust, and resources that adults can deliver to make children's lives stable, secure, healthy and happy.  Sometimes its two dads, sometimes its aunts and mothers and grandmothers, sometimes its uncles or big brothers or older cousins, and sometimes it's a mom and a dad.

Happy Father's Day to all the dads, uncles, granddads, and men who are busy raising kids in the U.S.

Re: the attached PSA vid on fatherhood - I just love this video!