I Will Not Criticize Nicholas Kristof

I will not criticize New York Times columnist Nicholas Kristof.

I will not dwell on the fact that in last week's column, he referred to humanitarian workers as "do-gooders".

Nor the fact that he then described the humanitarian community as "bleeding hearts".

That doesn't sound condescending at all.

I will let the following phrase pass without comment:

"Do-gooders also have a penchant for exaggeration, so that the public often has more trust in the effectiveness of toothpaste than of humanitarian aid."

In the column, Kristof argues that "humanitarians are abjectly ineffective at selling their causes."  He then helpfully offers a list of reasons and recommendations.

As a way of making amends for past ad hominem attacks, I'll refrain from criticism and instead simply follow his instructions to the letter.

First, he notes that "jumping up and down about millions of lives at stake can even be counterproductive...we are much more willing to donate to one needy person than to several." Check

Second, it's best to personalize the problem - as he explains, "people donate generously to Rokia, a 7-year-old malnourished African girl. But when Rokia’s plight was explained as part of a larger context of hunger in Africa, people were much less willing to help." Check

Third, it's important to emphasize the positive.  According to Kristof, "people give in large part to feel good inside. That works best when you write a check and the problem is solved." Check

Finally, you need to make people feel directly involved - tie the problem to their everyday lives: "In the case of fighting poverty, there are billions of other bystanders to erode a personal sense of responsibility." Got it.

I called in our best people.  MacArthur Genius Grant recipients.  Former Wall Street quants.  French New Wave cinematographers.  A direct descendant of Albert Schweitzer.  People who are skilled around animals.

After a week of grueling work - and the tragic death of our dog-whisperer -  we finally completed the perfect Kristof-approved humanitarian commercial.

Ladies and gentlemen, I'm so proud to present the fruits of our labor...a Sally Struthers feed the children advertisement from the 1980s:

"For about twenty-one dollars, you can buy an all day ticket to an amusement park.  In Guatemala, for twenty-one dollars a month, you can help a child like Vilma get the clothes she needs to attend school."

See the video below for more:

That looks good.  No room for ridicule there.

And, bonus - as a sponsor, you can exchange photos and letters with your sponsored child.

We're all so very proud.

[Photo of Nicholas Kristof from cbsnews.com]