Is It Racist to Want Kids Who Look Like You?

A friend of mine really wants to get married. He’s at the stage of life where he feels like he has to settle down, have children and do the whole domestic thing.

The reasons that people feel this societal pressure could fill up blog posts for years, but I’m going to sidestep that rich vein to concentrate on something he said that is more relevant to this blog.

“I just want to find a nice, pretty, smart girl,” he said, oblivious to that fact that there are few men who look for the antithesis of those qualities.

Although weary of playing matchmaker, I mentioned a friend of mine who is single. He rejected her, however, by stating, “She’s not Jewish.”

This was true. But I asked him why it mattered.

“Well, I’m Jewish,” he said. “And I want our kids to be raised Jewish.”

I was a little perplexed at this. Couldn’t she convert? Or even if she didn’t, what prevents him from negotiating with her to raise the kids in the faith?

He got flustered when I brought this up, so I dropped the whole thing. It was only later that I wondered, “Is that bigotry?”

Of course, he didn’t say “No black chicks or Latinas,” but the implication is clear. It’s only Jewish girls for him, in theory at least. And his reason (excuse?) is that it’s for the sake of the kids.

Now, I’m aware that the whole concept of Judaism as a race can get tricky for some people. I’m also aware that, traditionally, “Jewish” is an identity passed down through the mother, and for this reason, perhaps he could justify his quest for a non-gentile.

But it still seems terribly strained to me. Is it closer to the truth that my friend is just more attracted to woman who are of his race, and he doesn’t want to sound all John Mayer about it? And is it also possible that he wants to have kids who share that same race?

And if these two factors are true, is he simply being a narrow-minded jerk? Or is his honesty commonplace, even universal?

Bear in mind that this isn’t about him being Jewish. Anyone and everyone can share his attitude. But it’s clearly less socially acceptable to say, “I want our kids to be white” or “She has to be Asian” or “Everybody in my family has to be Hispanic like me.”

Or in this specific case, does the religious aspect make any racial comparisons unfair and irrelevant? Am I just picking on him?

I’d be interested in hearing other people’s opinions.

As for my friend, the last time I spoke to him, he had “hooked up with a hottie” (his phrasing, ladies, not mine). I do not get the impression that he considers her a potential wife. In any case, he mentioned that one thing he finds sexy about this woman is that she has multiple tattoos. When I asked what kind of tattoos she had, he said that among other designs, “She has a crucifix on her shoulder.”

Well, maybe he can talk her into a Star of David at some point.

Photo Credit: 44444 U.A.E.