Israel-Palestine Conflict Ends

by Charles Lenchner · 2008-12-05 08:15:00 UTC
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JERUSALEM—Decades of ethnic tension ceased instantaneously Monday when Israeli prime minister Ehud Olmert and Palestinian president Mahmoud Abbas shook hands over a comprehensive agreement to return a faded green lawn mower first borrowed by Israel in 1949.

Still reading? Yes, it's an Onion story. A damn good one, too.

"With the return of the mower to the cherished homeland, the healing process can finally begin," Abbas told a cheering crowd of more than 100,000 Israelis and Palestinians who gathered at the border to watch a lawn mower handover many thought would never take place in their lifetimes. "Now, I call on all Palestinians to cease all aggression toward our neighbors, so that we may live harmoniously alongside them while finally getting started on a lawn that has been badly in need of cutting for three generations."

Charles Lenchner
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