Let's Talk About LGBTQ Sex

by Allison Hope · 2010-09-12 07:07:00 UTC
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Ok, so this post isn’t as exciting as you might think from the title, but sex is something that creates the greatest amount of controversy when it comes to defining who we are as a sexual minority. Are we gay because of who we have sex with? Should we tone down the BDSM so we’re more palatable to K Street? Or are we, LGBTQ+ folks, pegged by our bedroom habits by very definition?

According to wise ‘ole Webster, homosexuality is defined as:

1: of, relating to, or characterized by a tendency to direct sexual desire toward another of the same sex;

2: of, relating to, or involving sexual intercourse between persons of the same sex

It’s all about sex, really, or sexual desire for that matter when it comes to the societal definition of “not straight” (cut to visual of scantily-clad boys at pride donning sequin thongs, oiled skin and a glint of promiscuity in their eyes). Is it really about sex, though?

Many lesbians in a relationship of two years or longer know well that sex is the farthest thing from the agenda when it comes to defining their relationship. And yet, they don’t consider themselves to be heterosexuals. How, then do we define our sexuality? Is it who you sleep with? Who you desire? Who you fall in love with?

The American Psychological Association, following necessitated reparations for their previous staggeringly damaging classification, now defines sexual orientation as “an enduring emotional, romantic, sexual, or affectional attraction toward others.” In other words, they now make room for Lesbian Bed Death, closeted politicians, and the full gamut of sexual expression (and lack thereof).

What defines your sexual orientation?

Photo credit: Pink Moose

Allison Hope is a writer and multimedia artist living in New York City.
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