Looking at Appearances

The article Rise in autistic adults worries caregivers opens with these words:

As a chubby, smiling baby boy, Marlon Barton delighted everyone around him. Now that he is a strapping young man who flaps his hands and makes odd noises, no one knows quite what to do with him.

..."Being large, African American and autistic does not work in his favor," either socially or in programs designed to help people with disabilities, she [Barton's mother] said.

I've long observed that I can get away with a ton of stuff most people would never dream of getting away with socially at my age because I am a small (5'1", thin), white, moderately attractive female. Someone like me can continue to delight others with "odd" behavior throughout their entire lives--"cute" at any age. I make odd noises and jump up and down and do the happy hand thing and everyone says, "oh how cute!" and "boy do I wish I still had your enthusiasm for things!" This is not because my behavior is necessarily any different from a large male my same age, but because of how society filters its judgement of my behavior due to my appearance: more often as something "delightful" rather than as something "dangerous."

Would be nice if people were better able to separate out their reactions to an appearance from their reactions to a person. Sometimes how we are treated and the opportunities we are given in life, especially what opportunities others will make available to us, seem, unfortunately, to be based on surface appearances that have little to do with our true motivations, actions, or abilities as human beings. This not only goes for autistics who are seen as "cute" vs. "dangerous" but for people who are autistic vs. people who aren't and even among people who aren't on the spectrum at all.

Fair and civil? No, not at all.