Megaconference Special #1 of 6: Violence and Abuse

We are now into Dora's Funky Conference Posting Pattern (that is, deeply erratic) as I try to write around my three days attending the Oregon Disability Megaconference. I usually try to arrange for a guest to take over for me when I'm going to be stressing my limits at conferences, but this time I was too busy to even set up a guest. So y'all will have to put up with a change in my usual posting routine. As well posts about what I learned at the conference and nothing else the next three days. But hey--it's spice to keep things different and interesting? Maybe?

Today was the first day of the conference, and I attended two presentations by Self Advocates as Leaders (full disclosure: I'm a SAAL member and currently sit on their Editorial Board). The first one was on violence and abuse (and how to protect yourself from such), and the second was on self-advocacy and self determination.

The new thing for me to think about from the violence and abuse presentation was an (even) deeper appreciation for the complexity of power imbalances. It is true that people with disabilities are more often abused than others. It is also true that abusers are most typically abusive for reasons of power. It is also true that people in power are more often believed or allowed to stay in power. This puts people like me, who are typically on the lowest rung in any power situation, in a really vulnerable position. Many times people have justified being extremely mean to me by saying I brought it on myself because I did not behave in a socially typical manner. One way to stay out of trouble is to bring someone trusted (best if that person is in a high power position) to any sort of confrontation about abuse or cruelty. This can change the power balance and make it harder for the abusive person to get away with the abuse.

I also really liked this list of "red flags" that someone may become abusive: jealousy, controlling behaviors, isolation, unrealistic expectations, cruelty to animals or children, blames others for problems, history of abusive behaviors. When I think back to the people who have been very mean to me, every one of them has exhibited one or more of the items on that list of "red flags." Especially controlling behaviors and blames others for problems. I'm going to be more watchful in the future; this list may help me to avoid some of the bad situations I often get into because I am too much of an optimist about people's capacity for decency.

On my evaluation form for the presentation, I was asked how I planned to share what I learned with others. I answered that I would would blog about what I learned. So there it is. Hope some of these things I learned will be helpful to others too.