Military Wives: The Right Kind of Sexy

My time in the military, both active duty and my abrupt adjustment to life as a spouse, has taught me one thing if nothing else: There are two kinds of sex. Right and wrong. I was completely reminded of this when I read this article in the New York Times on "Operation Bombshell."

The piece spends some time making slight, playful jabs at the idea of military spouses learning burlesque basics to try to cheer their long deployed significant others into the bedroom. The idea that a sex starved spouse returning from war will want to spend uninterrupted hours in the bedroom is almost as old as war itself (though mainly an urban legend ... most of them just want sleep). But what's more interesting, though barely touched on, is a subtle subtext of the military spousal subculture that isn't apparent from the outside: Who you are matters, and where you came from is possibly the most important detail about you.

There are some things from your past that will just never be accepted no matter who you are now which can abruptly halt your acceptance into a vital support system. This was evident in the treatment that Lily Burana received when she tried to do a book signing at West Point for I Love a Man in Uniform. As an officer's wife, her history as a stripper was too sordid to be allowed in the public eye. Selling sex to survive or as a living isn't okay -- but selling sexual suggestions to presumably sex-starved spouses to arouse their presumably equally starved others is just dandy.

Besides the fact that anything exclusionary of military husbands and dual military couples gets my hackles raised, I personally love the idea of a burlesque class as something fun to do with a group of girlfriends (and the "homefires" benefits are just an added bonus). But I cringe at the reminder of the dichotomy of sex that is foisted upon us.

Have sex, but only the right kind.

Among enlisted people it isn't unheard of to find a spouse (or enlisted person) who danced or stripped to get through college or just for a job; it's a perfectly legal profession all over the country. Sometimes, it pays damned well.

If your naughty secret becomes public knowledge among the other spouses, however, suddenly your kids aren't invited to that coveted playgroup and you are no longer allowed to those coffee dates that get you through the long, lonely days. Even if your spouse isn't deployed (also known as "shift work," long shifts on rotating schedules), a community of spouses can be a vital resource to help navigate military culture if you don't have the benefit of being in prior service. Being shunned isn't just high school drama -- in a foreign country it could mean total isolation, and the military speaks a language all its own.

Burana says “Military wives are the strongest women that I know." Maybe the truth in that is because of the balancing act that fragments some of our lives. Being the right kind of sexy is definitely a part of that.

Photo: ewilman on Flickr.