Moms With Daughters Have Less Use for Husbands

Are you the daughter of divorced parents? Do you think their split is your fault? Apparently, you aren't alone, though this isn't nearly as terrible as it sounds.

In 2003, a pair of economists released their findings from a study on census data from the 1940s until 2000, which indicated that today, couples with male children were five percent less likely to divorce than couples with female children. (The gap widens with each consecutive female child the couple has). In the past few years, this idea has been considered several ways. Maybe parents prefer boys, argued Slate's Steven Landsburg. There are more reasons for parents of boys to avoid divorce, Landsburg later argued after his first argument didn't go over so well. Some even wonder if the study doesn't offer implications about the wage gap, since it was first conceived to look at correlations between gender, parenting, and upward mobility.

But this week, Notre Dame psychology professor Anita Kelly stirred up the speculation all over again when she tossed out the idea that women with daughters have less need for a male partner. Since nearly three quarters of all divorces are initiated by women, Kelly says the question is not why are families with sons divorcing, but why are mothers with daughters leaving their husbands more often than mothers with sons. Kelly also writes that "divorced women with daughters are substantially less likely to remarry than divorced women with sons."

Kelly points to a couple of reasons why mothers of daughters may be actively choosing to be single/divorced when they could be otherwise. For one, Kelly points to a statistic that when boys live at home, they increase the daily household workload; girls do the opposite. She notes that females provide more and better social support that males. She also mentions something many of us would like to otherwise ignore: we as humans are conditioned to avoid loneliness. Taken together, Kelly surmises that single moms with daughters could be less fearful of being overworked and lonely. This could even explain the original study's finding that non-married couples expecting a girl are less likely to wed. From Kelly's perspective, the woman already knows she'll need things from her partner that may be provided by her daughter.

All of this seems to vastly oversimplify the relationship between mothers (what about women who adopt?), their partners (what about queer couples?), and their children. But the red flag for me is how this explanation ignores the inherent economic inequality single mothers face. Another truth we'd prefer to ignore: many women do not leave bad relationships for economic reasons. While I realize these sorts of studies are working with vast amounts of data, it remains important to consider that while many women may not want to be partnered, many stay in less-than-desirable situations because of financial concerns, perhaps because of their children.

What I do hope, however, is that Kelly's interpretation of the study means we're finally shifting that unequal balance back towards the center. Maybe mothers with both sons and daughters will eventually be able to leave relationships they don't want and derive just as much happiness and support from their families, friends, and if they have them, their children.

Photo Credit: Old Sarge