My Big Fat Gay Tax Return(s)

My tax law professor told me not to, but I do the family taxes. In theory, it shouldn't be too bad: one job, two kids, a dwindling stock portfolio. Nothing some decent tax software and a bottle of wine can't handle. It's nothing more than record keeping and data entry, no offense to the CPAs out there. Except for one thing: I'm a woman, married (in some states) to another woman and no one, including the Internal Revenue Service (IRS), knows what that means.

Last year was a right mess — we moved in the middle of the year, there was a second-parent adoption, and newborn twins' medical bills. I filled out two federal returns (one for each of our "single" returns), one "dummy" federal return (where we filed as married and used the numbers for filing joint California state taxes), one joint California return, and two New York returns (because, although we are considered married in the state of New York, its tax code requires us to file as we do on our federal return). It was more math than I did throughout four years of high school combined, and I was kind of a math geek.

This year, in theory, should have been easier — we would each file as single both federally and in New York. And it was logistically easier, but it was emotionally (and financially) devastating. Because last year I was a Stay at Home Mom. This is one scenario where that whole "gay couples pay more in taxes" thing really stings.

See, my wife files as single, Head of Household, and claims me as one of her "dependents." And I do depend on her, for so many things, like love and support and making inappropriate jokes in front of my parents. I depend on her the way, say, a spouse would. But in the eyes of the federal government, I'm not a spouse. And that changes everything.

The big calculations in the merry old land of taxes — how much you pay, how much you can deduct — depends on how much you make. Some numbers are hard and fast — like moving up a tax bracket — and some are a little less so. Some depend solely on one thing: filing status. The equation goes something like this: if filing as single, maximum income for this deduction is $65,000; if filing as married, maximum income for this deduction is $130,000. So those couples who must file as single, lose out on a good chunk of government cheese when their joint income falls somewhere in between. Does that make sense?

For example, the child tax credit works, essentially, like this: for each child claimed, you can get up to $1000 "off" your federal taxes. That credit is slowly reduced once you hit a certain income bracket. A single person gets less and less credit the more they make over $75,000. A married couple gets less and less credit the more they (as a couple) make over $110,000. So a stay at home mom who doesn't bring in a paycheck, offsets the loss of the credit simply by existing as a spouse, raising the cutoff amount. I can't do that, because as far as the government is concerned, I'm an unemployed single person, who, on paper, appears to do nothing more than loaf around and mooch off the single, mother of twins with whom I live. And my wife, who supports a family of four, doesn't get the child tax credit because she's "single" and makes more than $60,000. If we could file as married, we would get the full credit and mama'd get a new pair of Louboutins.

The punches just keep coming. This is also the case for claiming student loan interest, which, for anyone out there with a student loan knows all too well, is a really nice deduction. I can't take it. I'm a dependent. My wife can't take it because she makes more than the "single" person cutoff amount. Again, since she makes less than the married cutoff amount, if we could file as married we'd get the full deduction, and the boys' college fund could maybe grow to three digits.

The moral of the story is that taxes still suck, and they still suck more for gay couples. I know that there are countless compelling arguments for the emotional benefits of marriage. That it is more than just a tax status. I know. But does anyone out there think that allowing us to file jointly will lead to the destruction of the universe? Does Maggie Gallagher feel like her tax return would be sullied by my joint return?

For now, how about a tiny change on the tax form — just get rid of married and put in jointly. Then two people who are financially dependent on each other — who comingle funds and live together — can get all the same breaks as those married folk do. Got it IRS?

Photo credit: jamesmorris