No Fireworks For Our 4th

Lately my son Charlie has been overwhelmed by sounds. This is still a fairly new development: When he was younger, while other autistic children were putting their hands over their ears and crying at barking dogs, Charlie would be unrattled. It's been in the past year that Charlie has clearly become highly, and painfully, attuned to sounds. Certain sounds---those barks, a metal object hitting the floor, someone's loud voice---has evoked a more extreme response, leading us to think, something literally hurts when Charlie hears those sounds.

Jim and I have been listening very closely to the sounds around us and, with Charlie, cringing at every Harley that passes the black car on the Garden State Parkway and tuning in carefully to the volume and pitch of our own voices. Seeing Charlie bow his head and cover his ears when no one is talking, we've realized that he's hearing everything in the background: Fluorescent lights, air-conditioners and fans, the pool filtering system. Charlie sometimes puts on his iPod and noise-canceling headphones, but sometimes just listening to even preferred sounds seems too much. I've been shopping around for noise-canceling headphones of all types (like the kind you use to mow the lawn with) and stuff like a summer-weight hoodie (Charlie always liked having a heavier fleece one in winter). (Suggestions for dealing with this are quite welcome.)

At home, we can keep things quiet, but none of us (Charlie in particular) could hardly stand just to stay in here: Out we must go, seeking to put a little control on the situation with pictures and schedules, explanations and stories. Still, we can't control every single sound. Ambulances will go screeching by and motorcycles, especially because it's summer, it's gotten hot after a rainy June, and, here in the US, it's the Fourth of July weekend.

Which brings me to the subject of fireworks. The Fourth of July falls on a Saturday this year so it's become the reason for a long weekend, with celebrating starting yesterday (and I heard fireworks even on Thursday night). We won't be seeking out any fireworks displays tonight, but some thunderous noises from the sky are going to be inevitable. Charlie's been curious to see the bright displays in the past, but I'm suspecting he'll have his head down and hands over his ears this year.

As in everything with Charlie, we've been trying to figure out the proper balance between changing and accommodating, and gently seeking to desensitize him to some of the sounds out there. A balancing act it is and one also requiring us to (like any parents) measure out how much to protect Charlie from what irks him, and to coax him into learning to live with it.

But I'm still glad fireworks are pretty much a one-time-a-year thing. It's a noisy enough place out there already.