Not a Large Child

Dora's post Autistic adults are not large children not only has one of my favorite titles for what we've been writing here, but also carries a important message that can't be said enough. I'll revise the phrase slightly to "Autistic adults and teenagers are not large children," so it'll just about cover my own 12-year-old son. He is already adult-size and he's definitely an adolescent. Nonetheless, time and time again, he's still treated (often unconsciously) as a "large child."

People talk about him in the 3rd person in his presence as if he's not listening or as if he doesn't understand. Big mistake: It's vital to presume that he does. Even if he does not understand every single word, he can tell when he's being talked about, especially by people's tone of voice.

People try to physically guide Charlie to do something. If he's not responding quickly enough to do something, someone might take his hand and try to move it----in other words, they touch him, without asking permission, as if he "just doesn't mind." Unless it's someone that you or I know well, we don't expect or want another person to touch us without indicating this first, and neither does Charlie.

An article in today's Inforum (of Fargo-Moorhead in Minnesota) is entitled "Parents, teachers, peers team up to help autistic children at school" and mentions how the Circle of Friends program has helped students on the spectrum and students in general. (Also read guest blogger Emily Willingham's discussion of the Circle of Friends program at her son's school.)

But what happens when autistic children are growing out of being autistic children? Are on their way to becoming, and being, teenagers and adults, and don't need---don't want---to be treated as "big children," but as the maturing, independence-seeking, individuals that they are?

I don't have any real answers to those questions; we are still trying to figure things out ourselves. But we do know, Charlie likes being around other people, being out and among the community, and why shouldn't he----he is an essential part of the community, as much as you and me. How to keep the circle alive, and expanding?

And yes, those are Charlie's shoes----(adult) size 9.