Obama Appoints Paris Hilton to Lead Homeless Strategy

by Dominic Mapstone · 2009-07-01 21:24:00 UTC
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Mr. Change had a brainwave inspired after watching a Simple Life marathon. President Obama has decided to appoint Paris Hilton to lead the Homeless Strategy.  The scoop is Sasha and Malia melted the big guy's heart and got in his ear about the issue of homelessness.

The Hilton family has committed to build three new five star resorts, one in New York, the second in New Orleans, and the flagship in New Hampshire.

President Obama will close homeless shelters on a concurrent basis. For example, as 100 Hilton standard rooms become available to the program 100 shelter beds will be de-funded and services closed.

To fund the program, the old shelters will be gentrified, replacing the rundown buildings with upscale residences.

Homeless shelters are getting a makeover and it's out with the caseworkers, curfews, and rules... and in with room service, massages, spa treatments, concierge service, and staff to clean rooms and turn down beds.

"The aim will be the same as all the charities say their aims are, but we will actually do it," said Ms. Hilton. "You know, treating people with dignity and respect and caring for them in their time of need... with our Hilton five star standard of hospitality."

Ms. Hilton went on to say "If a member of my family was homeless, like my sister Nicky for example, I would want her pampered and cared for and treated like the beautiful Princess she is."

"President Obama asked me what would I do if I was in charge of the nation's homeless strategy..."

End of the joke. Of course this isn't real.

Got a better plan than the fake Paris Hilton plan? What would you do if you were in charge of homeless policy?

Nicole Ritchie as a caseworker?

Really, what would you want changed?

Does this satire pick up on a point you want to make and highlight as a real issue?

Post a reply below with your insights and suggestions for change.

If you are currently or formerly homeless, check out the International Homeless Forums.

Dominic Mapstone is the director of Rebeccas Community, an Australian non-profit, and admin at the International Homeless Forum.
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