Parent Pride: Coming Out as a Parent of a Gay Child

Coming out of the closet isn't just for LGBT people. At least, that's not how a mother from Utah sees it. Her message is for fellow heterosexual parents of gay children to come out of the closet and support their LGBT children.

That mother would be Linda Stay, one of the visions behind the "Moms for Equality: Dads for Equality" web site. Linda, who was also filmed as part of the documentary "8: The Mormon Proposition" (which chronicled the Mormon Church's involvement in orchestrating and funding California's Proposition 8 ballot initiative), lives in Utah with her husband Steve. Together, they hope to push other parents from silent or non-existent support of their gay children, to full on activism for equality for their LGBT sons and daughters.

Last week, when U.S. federal court Judge Vaughn Walker ruled Proposition 8 unconstitutional, Linda was out in the streets celebrating. But she lamented on her web site that if we're ever going to see progressive advancements for LGBT equality, parents have got to stand with their LGBT children.

"Full equality will come when we normalize 'gay' — normalize gay families, gay marriages, and gay children," Stay said. "Parents who refuse to embrace this part of their child, or choose to ignore it, miss a beautiful world of amazing people full of goodness and love."

That's tremendously sweet, and a gentle reminder that sometimes the most heartfelt statements about LGBT equality come from those activist moms and dads.

I'm also reminded right now of some words that Judy Shepard gave last week after the Prop 8 ruling was issued. Shepard, as many know, was the mother of Matthew Shepard, the gay University of Wyoming student who was murdered in a hate crime in 1998. Since her son's death, she has been a tireless advocate for LGBT rights, pushing for a federal hate crimes law (which we got), and stepped up campaigns to fight bullying and hatred directed toward LGBT youth and young adults.

Last week, after Prop 8 was ruled unconstitutional, Shepard recalled a conversation she had with her son Matthew before he was murdered.

"After Matt came out to me, he once asked me if I thought gay couples would ever be allowed to get married," Shepard said. "I told him I didn’t think it would happen in my lifetime, but it probably would in his. It’s so sad, and ironic, that it turned out the other way. But this case warms my heart, to think that his dream is still coming true."

For me, and I think for many others, Judy Shepard wins the award for best quote in reaction to the Prop 8 case. Sure, I'm grateful for Ted Olson and David Boies and the wonderful plaintiffs and the American Foundation for Equal Rights.

But there's nothing quite like seeing a mother's love laid out in such a powerful and vulnerable way to really change hearts and minds.

Which brings me to a plea issued by Linda Stay on her site "Moms for Equality: Dads for Equality." Stay, after noticing too few parents of gay children out in the streets celebrating the Prop 8 decision last week, issued a call.

I take this opportunity to put out this plea:  parents, join this march for equality.  I ask you to put a human face on this movement.  Share who your children are with your friends, your co-workers, your siblings, with everyone.  When you hear derogatory comments about gay or lesbian people, or the rampant propaganda and misinformation that are out there regarding them, all you need to say is, “I have a gay son or a lesbian daughter.  If you knew them, you would love them.”  It is that simple.

It really is that simple. So moms and dads out there? Please help. Your kids will love you for it, and it may just move the world one step closer toward helping LGBT people achieve full equality.

Photo credit: Moms for Equality/Dads for Equality