Parents Learning from Autistics Outside the Media Maelstrom

by Dora Raymaker · 2009-01-21 17:00:00 UTC
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a boat on a still calm body of water and clear blue skyI was recently asked about my response to parents who criticize adults on the spectrum as having nothing in common with their kids and nothing to teach. That any adult who can communicate at all is by definition nothing like their child (regardless of the adult's abilities at the same age as their child). This question, and similar ones I've been asked before, are kind of peculiar to me. Within the realm of the major media and indeed the blogosphere, there are indeed a lot of very loud voices screaming on this particular topic. So loud that occasionally this seems like one of the Greatest Conflicts of All Time in the Autism Wars. But within the quieter reality of everyday life, not so much.

Aside from blogging out here with the loud voices, I also have for years worked with parents of autistic kids in my community, particularly though a list serve that serves the greater metropolitan area where I live. Since the common element on the list serve is location and not values or theories about autism, the parents are extremely diverse. Some parents are really into autism acceptance. Other parents are really into making their kids "normal" (whatever that is). But mostly, the parents just want to live their lives.

In contrast to what may be expected after reading the raging blog comments and news feeds, it's common for my local list serve parents to send out requests for insight and feedback from the autistic adults in the community (some of whom are also parents). Many of those parents (even the ones who are interested in "normalizing") value our insights, try our strategies, and thank us for our time and tools. I've learned stuff from the parents too, and even made some really good friends.

I think it's easy sometimes to forget in the storm of Internet debates that there is a calmer population with little interest in these conflicts. A lovely sweet letter to the editor from some random parent who (I don't think anyway) is at all famous in GW Today If You Think Our Hand's Are Full, You Should See Our Hearts is about what a parent can learn from her own autistic child, without any hype, without argument or judgement or blame, just with love, respect, and honesty.

Dora Raymaker
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