Preparing for When I'm Not There

A 12-year-old boy on the autism spectrum "suddenly became violent" at his school in Tennessee, is handcuffed, arrested, charged with assault. I read about this and think: My son's autistic, he's almost 12, "behaviors" are something his teacher and Jim and I talk plenty about and help my son to work on. I think about the recent discussion about violence here.

But getting arrested and charged with assault?

From far away I recall how a friend asked me about what was going to be the hardest part about traveling to Greece. I thought about what it had taken to plan the trip---finding a good travel agency to work with, designing an itinerary, recruiting students, writing a syllabus (it's a trip and class combined), getting medical and insurance forms filled out, figuring out who's rooming with whom, holding a number of pre-travel classes to instruct the students in some modern Greek (our instructor is a former student who's Greek---Ευχαριστώ!)---and realized:

It was all a lot easier than taking care of Charlie.

Some may read that statement as meaning "taking care of an autistic child"---and my son has some very severe needs----is a "burden" and, really, "unbearable." It's true, Jim and I know we've never faced such challenges as in our efforts to help Charlie and get him what he needs. While we're currently grateful for the type and level of education and services Charlie has, we've only gotten him these by constant efforts, a significant outlay of financial resources, moving around the country and New Jersey, and directing the better part of our energies (physical as well as mental, it often seems) towards him. It's all been worth it though, as the past few months when Charlie has been in something of a crisis situation, we've over been beset by strain and stress and unsure of what to do and if there is anything we can do.

Indeed, I wasn't sure at all that I could go on, of all things, a trip to ....... Greece.

Jim and I had planned that my parents would visit from California during the time I would be away and I've been strategizing since the fall with Charlie's teacher. I mean, let's get serious here----how could I be away from Charlie for over a week and an ocean and a couple of time zones away?

Indeed, planning for Charlie has been my main "travel preparation." I made sure to order refills on all of his medications. There's been lots to alert my parents to about his likes and interests and habits. I've been working on a picture calendar to show when I'll be gone and back and puzzling over how to explain about Greece to Charlie----about me flying over an ocean to another country. I covered the refrigerator with instructions for Charlie's medications, his bedtime routine, what goes in his bookbag.

I've packed the minimum of "personal effects" for myself in a backpack and a messenger bag. Unusual for me these days was that I packed a number of books---the Greek classics we'll be discussing on the trip and a novel I've been storing up. Usually when I've traveled in the past years it's been with Charlie and, accordingly, I've mostly packed what he might need on the airplane. (Though, airplane travel with Charlie has actually gotten quite (gasp) easy---I'm careful to choose flights late at night or very early in the morning, so Charlie sleeps for most of the trip.)

If I've learned one lesson over these years with Charlie, it's how little I need to carry on my back for myself, because my boy (and my other guy) are always with me, walking beside and before me in spirit if not actually. I know with every step we take together, the day draws nearer when Charlie will be walking the road alone and the time to start preparing him is now.

But I sure am glad I left all those notes on the refrigerator door.