Scientists Finally Discover Formula for Female Beauty!

Just in case you start to get the wonky idea that a woman might have her own, distinct individual beauty -- or that, say, Filipino and Senegalese and African American women might be beautiful in ways that differ from that of Canadian pop singers -- University of Toronto scientists are here to clarify that beauty is in fact a formula. And a very simple, precise one at that.

Want to know the secret? Here you go: the researchers have discovered, via a study in which students were given a series of slightly different photos of a woman's face and asked to identify the most attractive photo, that the distance between a woman's eyes and her mouth must be 36% of the total length of her face from hairline to chin. The distance between her pupils must be 46% of the total width of her face from ear to ear.

The researchers give a nod to Shania Twain, who's got this formula down pat.  But they also throw the rest of us a bone in case we haven't been blessed with Shania's mathematical perfection -- Angelina Jolie didn't meet the requirements for length or width. Crazy, no, that we might find someone beautiful who didn't match the exact calculations for necessary distance between pupils?

These scientists, ever practical, also tell women not to worry if they don't quite measure up to the perfect proportions because hairstyles can be used to create an optical illusion. Phew. Your bangs will save you, women.

What's so fabulous about this news is the fact that it manages to bake a whole multi-layered cake of ridiculous assumptions. First off : the study was only conducted on white women since, really, whiteness is the fundamental requisite for beauty, right? Not even worth it to go including other races and ethnicities since that might mess up the numbers and get people all confused about what beauty is.  The BBC's title for the article -- "perfect face dimensions measured" -- also assumes that white female faces set the bar for beauty.

Secondly, the study presumes that female beauty is something which can be scientifically calculated and measured, and that there is a very rational (male) mathematical principal behind attraction.  So, if you haven't got the 36 by 46 ratio happening, you're pretty much screwed (unless you can work some optical illusion magic with Aqua Net).

And finally, the study completely negates the possibility that, um, perhaps the media might have something to do with this miracle ratio? I love how "science" can so neatly gloss over that murky, incalculable realm called "culture." Give some students some pictures, have them rate the pictures, type up some equations, and voila! Female beauty, defined!

So next time you want to decide if a woman is attractive or not, just whip out your ruler and start measuring. Or, simply hold up her picture next to Shania Twain and see how she fares.

Photo: KayCey97007's Photostream