Sexting or Slut-Shaming: Which Is the Bigger Problem?

The recent discovery that one in four teens are "sexting" has parents and other adult authority figures all in a tizzy, leading to a range of punishments from grounding to suspension from school to criminal charges for distribution of "child pornography." Despite the ridiculousness of that last charge, the suicide of two teenage girls -- victims of intense harassment after naked pictures of them were widely distributed -- points to a deadly serious, dangerous phenomenon that must be stopped.

That would be bullying.

Sure, sex sells, but instead of freaking out about the proliferation of sexting, how about taking a good, hard look at intolerant behavior amongst the young 'uns? It's no secret that kids can be cruel (and where do you think they learn it from?), or that high school is a jungle. Maybe, just maybe, it shouldn't come as a surprise that being endlessly tormented by your peers might lead young people to consider drastic measures, despite the occasional tendency on the part of adults to write off such harassment as child's play (and perhaps tell the victim to "toughen up").

Focusing on sexting as a problem -- rather than the harassment and "slut-shaming" -- is another variation on our culture's blame the victim mentality. Note who was punished in the case of 13-year-old Hope Witsell when her photo went public: she was. Not the person who took her topless shot off another student's private cell phone and forwarded it on. Not any of the others who distributed her picture. And certainly not any of the students who harassed her daily at school, until it become so bad that her friends would form a human wall around her to escort her from class to class. And finally Hope killed herself.

Leora Tanenbaum, author of Slut!, takes the right tack in her Huffington Post article attacking girl-bashing. Tanenbaum points out: "After all, when was the last time a sexually active boy was punished by his school or harassed by his peers?" Guess what: boys sext, too. But you don't hear the uproar focusing around guys who've shared photos of themselves in their birthday suits. Girls are sluts; boys are just boys. (I have had the pleasure of hearing the term "man-whore," but usually tinged with humor and/or approval, like "player.")

On the other hand, this isn't solely a woman's issue; it's also about how we judge people's sexualities. While men usually get props for being sexual beings, that's only goes for heterosexual displays. Boys pegged "gay" can suffer from the same kind of torment as girls deemed sluts, with the same awful consequences, as demonstrated by the April suicides of two 11-year-old boys who were the targets of homophobic bullying.

An expose in the St. Petersburg Times regarding the Hope Witsell suicide and the school's woefully messed-up handling means to be sympathetic, yet still focuses too much on the victim's behavior, rather than that of her harassers'. The article includes a handy little box providing tips for parents on how to prevent their kids from sending naked pictures of themselves. What should really go in that box is advice on how to prevent your child from being a bully, and educating them on not using derogatory terms toward girls.

Of course parents should make sure their kids understand and respect their own bodies. But it's even more vital that they make sure their children respect other people's bodies, and that they do not bully or harass their peers. Then we wouldn't have to worry so much about private nude pictures getting out into the mainstream and causing the destruction of a girl's "reputation." Because "slut" shouldn't even be a word in anyone's vocabulary.

Photo courtesy of Eddie~s' Flickr photostream.