The Dating Game: Homeless Edition

Any chronically homeless woman with street smarts and a need to survive will tell you to "find you a  man," as I was so often admonished to do. Male or female, those on the streets for a few days without a car or other shelter quickly realize that having a partner — male or female — can mean the difference between surviving and not.

A man, even a homeless one, is often believed to be able to offer the single woman, or single mother, some protection. There's safety in numbers of course, and that might be true in some cases, but couples are targeted as easily as singles when gangs are on the prowl. Still, many women and girls seek out male protection and find that the best way to get that is to hook up with someone — although it can be the deadliest decision you'll ever make if you end up with the wrong partner. (It's worth noting that many people don't get this far; they stay in bad relationships because the alternative — becoming homeless — is worse, and sometimes more dangerous.)

The comedian Garry Shandling has joked, "I'm dating a homeless woman. It was easier talking her into staying over."  His attitude, sexist as it is, shows how many men really do see homeless women as someone willing to sleep with them so they'll have a place to sleep. And many women see that as their best option, or sometimes their only option. Finding a relationship often means finding a way off of the street and a chance to get cleaned up, find a job, save some money or be rescued in some small way. When agencies can't do it, love, or some semblance of it, often does. The flip side is the survival sex nightmare; the saying "no such thing as a free lunch" is so much truer on the streets.

Shelters aren't exactly places where you want your date to pick you up or drop you off. And if you're living in your car it's hard to keep that secret long enough to advance your relationship to the "my place or yours" stage. What's a girl to do? Enter spoof homeless personals sites and even dating videos that demean women and the homeless.

Is real "homeless dating" needed so we're assured that anyone out there who responds to us is aware of our situation (and we can avoid at least that rejection right off the bat), or because we're looking for someone else in a similar situation? If I'm homeless do I really want to date another homeless person (protection, love, time on their hands too, possible additional resources); or do I want to find someone in a position to help me out of my situation?

What do you think? Does dating while homeless complicate or ease a bad situation? Survival or love?

Photo credit: xenia