The Process Is the Thing

Charlie and I made brownies last night.

He had chosen a box of brownie mix at the store and, while I was putting things away, he went right ahead and opened the bag of brownie mix, emptied it into a glass bowl, and was stirring it with a spoon (and stealing a few licks). I checked the back of the box (he'd already put it in the garbage) and told Charlie to get two eggs (he did) and to add them to the bowl (so, unbroken and shells and all, in went both eggs). (Mental note to teach Charlie how to crack an egg.) Charlie told me to go away and he poked at the batter as I measured out the oil and water and added these and, over his objections, produced a wooden spoon and started mixing.

Gradually, I moved my hand away so he was holding the spoon. I tried, gently, to show him how to make more of a sweeping motion round the contours of the bowl, while noting that maybe he could work in a bakery someday. (Really....) Charlie was trying to taste more of the batter and, soon as everything was more or less mixed together, I tilted it into the pan (9 x 9 and pre-greased, if you want to know), which then went straight into the oven. Charlie stayed at the counter, running a finger (fingers) round the bowl and then said "wash hands" and proceeded to do so (though not his left wrist, where a large chocolatey smudge remained till I pointed it out).

And when I called him into the kitchen after the brownies had come out of the oven, cooled, and been cut, the answer was, "No."

I asked a couple more times, to be sure, and, getting the same answer every time, went back to scrubbing the linoleum. And thinking, funny that Charlie should seem to be preferring the process, the step-by-step of making brownies. (Certainly, he is very curious to watch me when I cook.)

So often in trying to do our best to take care of Charlie and to teach him, we've realized that it's not so much some specific goal, some precise attainment of a particular skill, that has been the sign of Charlie learning. It's been all about how Charlie, how we, get to wherever we're trying to go. Sure, maybe I started to think this way upon Charlie missing so many "developmental milestones" and learning at a very different pace than many children. Charlie's learning is far less about "milestones" than it is all about the journey.

Just one thing. Being the daughter of a great baker (I always remember my mom letting her chiffon cakes cool upside down atop glass bottles on our kitchen counter; how good they made the house smell), I feel a bit of a shudder of good old guilt to be baking from a ......... mix. Time to start teaching Charlie to measure out the flour and sugar and baking powder, to learn more steps in the process.

(As for what kind of flour: Brownies turn out well with wheat flour and with gluten-free flours. Chocolate just has that power.)