The Prodigal Son Returns: Why We Should Love and Accept Roy Ashburn

What word comes to mind when you think about Roy Ashburn? Is it coward? Embarrassment? Judas? The formerly anti-gay Senator was forced from the closet following a DUI that exposed his hidden love for gay bars and penises. The queer media has thus far been loath to accept Ashburn’s change of heart, with reactions ranging from reluctance to outright hostility.

Queerty says that nothing can take away Ashburn’s history of oppressing and vehemently opposing gay rights: "He deserves no sympathy when it comes to what he helped contribute to: a less accepting, more divisive and discriminatory society.”

Admittedly, Ashburn has effed us pretty hard in the past, and his actions are inexcusable if not understandable. Yet, I hardly know a gay person alive who hasn’t, at one point or another, betrayed the gay rights cause when it involved some risk. Maybe it’s pretending to be straight at a job for fear of being fired. Or introducing a lover as a roommate. Maybe it’s just not speaking up when someone says “That’s so gay.” Though none of these actions carry the weight of Ashburn’s former gay-bashing, they are fundamentally and principally the same thing: deferring to society’s prejudice.

When Ashburn was caught rainbow-handed, he could have stayed in the closet as oh-so-many have done and continue to do. Instead, he showed a tremendous amount of courage by coming clean.

"My practice in my entire political career when it came to gay issues was to prevent any kind of spotlight from being shined my way, because I was in hiding. So casting any kind of vote might, could in some way, lead to my secret being revealed … That was terrifying to me. It was paralyzing. So I cast some votes that have denied gay people of their basic, equal treatment under the law, and I’m not proud of it. I’m not going to do that again."

Ashburn wasn’t only coming out to straights and homophobes everywhere. He was coming out to his own people, a crowd who doesn’t react well to traitors and turn-coats. As a community, we’ve been conditioned to mistrust everyone as a result of being treated so poorly by the people who are supposed to protect us. Because of that, any ally who isn't a dyed-in-the-wool homo isn't welcome in our little camp. If Laura Bush says she’s for gay marriage, we scrunch our noses and say she could have done it sooner. When Roy Ashburn apologizes for his hypocrisy, we are disgusted by his past.

We are constantly criticizing the religious peeps for their contradictory values. They claim to uphold God's teachings by both hating gays and showing biblical love. Unfortunately, we are sometimes guilty of the same thing. We want for everyone to recognize the value of unbiased love, but we show none for anyone who has wronged us at any point in the past. Our community is still in the process of identifying who we are and who we want to be. We could choose to be characterized by unyielding anger, bitterness and vengeance. Or we could demonstrate what love really means to the rest of the world. We can start by forgiving Roy Ashburn and thanking him for his recent voting record, supporting our community and not degrading it. We can be strong and resolute without being strangled by thoughts of retribution.

Our cause will only be white noise if our anger is the only thing that people hear. This fight is about love and love includes forgetting wrongs in order to move forward as a unified whole — stronger, bigger and better. Let’s show the homophobes that unlike them, we walk the walk when it comes to the golden rule.

Photo Credit: Dev null