To Have and To Hold Until Retirement Communities Do Us Part

I intend to grow old. My 40-year plan includes retirement, a tricked out, zero footprint RV and my darling wife. I'd like to think that by that time all of this anti-gay grumbling will have subsided, having been quieted by marriage equality, the end of "Don't Ask, Don't Tell," and the disbanding of Focus on the Family. Even then, when I'm older and kookier and able to finish the New York Times Sunday crossword puzzle in under three days, I'll be thankful for folks like Joy Lynn Lewis and Sheila Ortiz-Taylor for ensuring I have a gay old time when I'm old and gay.

Joy and Sheila had, like many of their straight friends, decided to retire to the posh landscape of the Westminster Oaks Community in Tallahassee, Florida. One look at the website, and you'll be clamoring for a spot, too. Seriously, retirement -- active living -- looks awesome there. I don't blame Joy and Sheila for putting their names down early for one of the lovely homes on the property.

Just one teeny tiny little problem. Westminster Oaks has a policy of only allowing married couples to purchase and live in homes together. And so Joy and Sheila were faced with that unsolvable conundrum so familiar to so many gays -- how do I get something that's only for married people when, because I am gay, I can't get married? The answer for Joy and Sheila? Hire an attorney.

For the next six years, the National Center for Lesbian Rights (NCLR) worked to ensure that when the time came to trade it all in for dinner theatre and water aerobics, Joy and Sheila would be welcomed in their active living community of choice. And it worked. The two are polishing their golf clubs as we speak.

Millions of LGBT folk in retirement, or about to enter retirement, however, are not so lucky. According to Services and Advocacy for Gay, Lesbian, Bisexual and Transgender Elders (SAGE), many LGBT seniors are being forced back into the closet in order to secure assisted housing after retirement. The current generation of elderly LGBT was, at one time not too long ago, part of an America that allowed severe discrimination in the workplace, in banking, in health care, in estate planning and in housing, leaving a large percentage of that population with less money and security for a healthy retirement. Many are finding that the best option is to play it straight.

Can you imagine? Having grown up gay at a time when people barely spoke the word, lived through Stonewall and ACT UP, lost friends to HIV/AIDS, to come out the other side at a time where acceptance is possible and honest living is plausible, only to have to go back into the closet? It's perverse beyond words.

Part of the problem is that most retirement communities (many private and run by religious organizations) have policies geared toward married couples. Also, elder care workers are simply not properly educated on the existence of LGBT elders and any specific care or attention they may need. Considering the difficulty surrounding hospitalization and medical decisions by someone other than a "traditional" spouse, I can only imagine the hurdles presented by a retirement facility.

The government, for its part, seems to be moving in the right direction. For one, we have Kathy Greenlee, an open lesbian, who works as a secretary for aging and the Department of Health and Human Services. It's always good to have a sympathetic ear on the inside, and she says change is slow, but happening. And SAGE is dedicating itself to improving life for all LGBT elders, across the spectrum of circumstance.

In the meantime, better reserve a spot at the retirement community of your choice. And put NCLR on speed dial.

Photo credit: Wikimedia Commons