What Are the Barriers to Interracial Friendships?

If you’re a Caucasian who counts an African American among your closest group of friends, you’re a rarity. Seriously. Fewer than 10% of whites have black friends, according to research by social scientists.

What’s to explain for the dearth of white and black BFFs? Whites tend to live in nearly all-white neighborhoods and attend nearly all-white schools, making it difficult for them to become acquainted with African Americans, let alone become friends with them. But even when whites work with blacks, they tend not to associate with their African American colleagues off the job, perhaps because other areas of whites’ lives are so segregated.

“People cannot like or love people they don’t see or interact with,” writes Eduardo Bonilla-Silva in the book Racism Without Racists. “…Friendship and love emerge when people share activities, proximity, familiarity and status.”

Bonilla-Silva is right on, but one thing worth noting about his book is that it debuted in 2006 — after Barack Obama rose to national prominence, thanks to a rousing speech at the 2004 Democratic National Convention, but before he became a serious presidential contender. Why is this factor important? Because as some whites became familiar with the stories of Obama and his wife, Michelle, the idea of having black friends suddenly appealed to them.

In January 2008, satirical writer Christian Lander named “Having Black Friends” No. 14 on his list of Stuff White People Like, all because the U.S. would likely elect its first black president. Likewise, GQ reporter Devin Friedman penned an article called “Will You Be My Black Friend?” In the piece, Friedman is inspired by Obama’s popularity, as well as Oprah’s, to land a black confidant. Not to be outdone, tongue-and-cheek website Rent-a-Negro.com even offers “Age-of-Obama” specials to those seeking to hang out with an African-American.

But nearly two years after Obama was elected president, there’s been no reported surge in white-black friendships. After all, schools, neighborhoods, and churches remain segregated. So, what can be done to transcend these circumstances? Firstly, the reasons why U.S. society is racially stratified must be questioned rather than thought of as “natural.” One has to recognize that institutional barriers have historically prevented blacks from entering white spaces. Once that is recognized, perhaps some whites will realize that when they see, say, black coworkers congregating in the cafeteria, it’s not simply because they prefer to self-segregate but because persistent discrimination has made them feel unwelcome among whites. That means that whites interested in forming genuine bonds with blacks will most likely have to reach out to an African American.

Why am I suggesting that whites take the initiative? Because research shows that whites are the group most likely to prefer racial isolation. When whites and blacks were asked to describe the racial makeup of their ideal neighborhood, for example, whites typically preferred all-white areas, while blacks preferred racially mixed areas, according to Bonilla-Silva. Moreover, a study involving the racial composition of wedding parties found that 22.2% of blacks had at least one white friend among their groomsmen or bridesmaids, but just 12.6% of whites had a person of color from any minority group in their wedding parties. This indicates, once again, that whites may be more resistant to interracial friendships than people of color are.

If you’re white and do desire to have a cross cultural friendship, take stock of the people in your circles — be they at work, school, church, etc. Are any of them black? If so, have any of your African American acquaintances mentioned a book you’ve read, a movie you enjoyed, a political candidate you support? Maybe you just admire their style, work ethic, or the way they parent their children. Find whatever your common ground is with the person and build upon it by striking up a few conversations with them. Then, you can invite them out to lunch or to your home the next time you have a gathering.

During your time together, don’t make the race the focal point. That’s a surefire way to lose a prospective black friend. So, no touching of hair, mentioning of stereotypes or asking questions you’ve always wanted answers to about black people. If you and an African American acquaintance hit it off, you’ll likely learn more than ever before about the black culture and experience.

Your thoughts?

Photo Credit: Hamed Masumi