What Kind of a Person Eats Katie the Lamb?

When Chad Miller of Food Fight! Vegan Grocery in Portland, OR, shared this image last month, I immediately wanted to share it with you, but it wasn't yet available in its intended form -- as a t-shirt -- so I waited. Now that the shirt is here in all its glory, I'm glad to share. It's funny, sad, adorable, and somewhat coarse all at the same time. I love it.

And it's interesting how much difference one tiny word -- one article, "a" -- can make, isn't it? People don't talk about eating "a lamb." They don't envision that. They distance themselves and talk about eating "lamb." And "chicken" and "fish" and "turkey" -- as if these are all just substances, not the bodies of individual thinking and feeling beings. But what if each body in each grocery store, farmer's market, butcher's shop, or restaurant came with a name and a story -- maybe even a photo? How much do people really want to know whom -- not just where -- their so-called food comes from?

"What does the chef recommend -- Katie the lamb or Sandy the chicken? They both look delicious."

"Well, Sandy was a 'heritage' hen from a small operation, so her body is reportedly quite tasty -- and you know, her throat was slit by someone she trusted, so as you chew and savor her flesh, you can envision that moment and be assured a piece of her is a quite humane option. I hear she fought, and catching her and holding her down to get the job done took some effort -- she resisted her destiny at first, naive girl -- but she received the gift of seeing the face of someone she trusted as the knife cut and her wings flapped and the blood drained out, so it all turned out well for her in the end.

"As for Katie, she's another fine choice. Adorable, that one. When they unloaded her and the other lambs at the slaughterhouse, she stumbled around just like a clumsy, frightened toddler. And oh, how she and that mother of hers cried when they took her away! Should have heard it. Sweet moments, really. But anyway, the gentleman at the table there next to you ordered a hefty portion of her left leg earlier tonight, and he reports that indeed her baby flesh is quite tender and enjoyable -- and she's even local! Born and killed just ten miles outside the city.

"But wait -- I didn't even tell you about the special! Forgive me. And I see you brought your young children with you this evening, so this is perfect -- it is truly a wonderful family dish. We call it 'Mother and Son,' and we feature a different pair each time we offer the special. Tonight's offering is Samantha and Justin. Justin's delicate flesh -- we've stopped using the word 'veal' here as a courtesy to you, our patrons; we know today's conscientious eaters really want to connect with the animals they're eating -- is just mouth-watering, and it comes topped with a lovely melted mozzarella cheese made from his mother Samantha's milk.

"This dish is such a team effort -- a piece of the mother and a piece of the son both on one plate, reunited! -- so we really are grateful to the two. We wouldn't have had the milk to make this rich cheese without killing Justin just after his birth, and without this delightful cheese, there wouldn't even be a market for Justin's truly tasty pieces. Samantha did bellow out a storm when newborn Justin was dragged away, and he called out for her periodically right until the bloody end, but we're quite certain that deep down, they knew this was all for a higher, noble purpose. And we like to think of this menu item as finally giving Justin a taste of his mother's milk, of what he died so commendably for. I do personally recommend Justin -- this is the third year we've served one of Samantha's babies, and each one before has been scrumptious.

"Oh, I do hope you'll each try someone different. Sandy, Katie, Samantha, Justin -- they're all just to die for."