Where's the Beef? Teacup Cattle and Cheeseburger Smoothies

Some seriously weird things are going on with cattle. First off, and full disclosure: the Cheeseburger Smoothie is actually a joke. It's Jamba Juice's way of warning McDonald's not to trespass into smoothie-land. The fast-food chain recently introduced "real fruit" smoothies boasting more calories than its actual cheeseburgers and up to 70 grams of sugar. Maybe not the healthiest choice, but in terms of sustainability, fruit wins over a cattle ranch, right?

Maybe not. The Guardian recently ran a great piece on how U.S. and English farmers are breeding miniature cattle (breeds vary in size, but average around three feet tall). Originally, farmers experimented with smaller breeds to conserve space, often in response to a loss of land. But today, these "teacup cattle" may be a sustainable solution to cattle ranching–a practice that's notoriously environmentally damaging. Experts estimate that livestock products creates about 18 percent of global greenhouse gas emissions, not to mention all the waste cows create and feed needed to sustain them. Mini-cows require just one-third of the feed of regular cattle, but produce three times the beef on the same amount of land. Plus, one standard-sized cow emits as much methane as 10 mini-cows.

I can't lie: This whole mini-animal phenomenon freaks me out. I've seen teacup pitbulls, huskies, and other breeds often enough to hear myself uttering aloud a phrase I could swear I'd only ever heard from military men over the age of 60: "Somethin' happenin' there just ain't right." I'm curious to know how creating a smaller breed affects the animal's welfare. Is creating a smaller cow really any better than pumping cattle full of rBST, a growth hormone?As Annie Hartnett points out in Change.org's Animal Rights blog, breeding miniature animals isn't an exact science, and often results in deformation or injury.

Let's be honest – the slaughtering of cattle is already controversial, and cruel methods and unsafe conditions on kill floors have already been spotlighted. Smaller breeds might cause less environmental damage and yield more tender meat, but if these small breeds are processed for meat in the same mode of larger cattle in factory farms, I wouldn't jump to the conclusion that the process is sustainable. Richard Gradwohl, owner of Happy Mountain Farm, developed 18 of the 26 mini-breeds available for breeding and consumption. Gradwohl offers both grass-fed and grain-fed beef, but doesn't address concerns of meat processing on his Web site.

Whatever the results, the heightened interest in sustainable cattle shows that the demand for sustainable meat is growing. In some cases, that ideal falls far short of the reality. Just recently, the Meatopia festival in New York sold itself as a celebration of sustainable and local meat production. Unfortunately, most of the meat served at the event came from conventional sources. The event left at least one local beef farmer feeling that Meatopia itself was a load of bull. Ken Jaffe, who works for Slope Farms, told a reporter at Civil Eats that the event would “make the whole local-sustainable thing look like a fraud.”

I'm hoping small-time, local meat producers can continue to edge their way into the market. In the meantime, it's "mostly plants" for me. And certainly no cheeseburger smoothies.

Photo via Public Domain Pictures