Why Giving a Child Up for Adoption Would Be Wrong for Me

When I write about abortion, frequently that comment comes, "If you don't want a baby, why not just choose adoption?" With the "Don't Be Fooled by Fake Clinics" campaign we have going on, I've seen some version of this question many times over the course of the month.

For the record, no woman is obligated to serve as an incubator against her will. But we should also recognize that there's lots of reasons behind each woman's personal decision of what is right for her. For instance, keeping an unwanted pregnancy and giving a baby up for adoption would be the wrong decision for me.

I don't believe life begins at conception, so if I were facing an unwanted pregnancy, abortion would be the obvious decision; I'd have no reason to remain pregnant. But there's actually more to it than simply the desire not to be pregnant. If I carried the pregnancy to term, creating a new life, I would feel inextricably responsible for the baby. I find it difficult to imagine giving that child up for adoption; I couldn't be sure that he or she would be provided a good life; I'd feel constantly anxious and guilty. The morally right thing for me to do, given my beliefs, would be to have an abortion and not allow that zygote to develop into a life.

This stance isn't informed by a belief that adoption is bad; props to you if you've welcomed an adopted child into your family. If I ever determined I wanted a kid, I would most likely adopt (probably an older child, since they have more trouble finding homes). Yet I wouldn't try to get pregnant just so I could have a baby and give it up to the system for a hopefully happy adoption, and for me, not having an abortion would amount to the same thing. I feel that it would be wrong for me to allow a life to be created with no plan to take care of it when I have access and no objection to abortion.

For some women who decide they do not want a child at that time, carrying the pregnancy to term and giving their baby up for adoption is the right choice. Especially if you believe that life, or some version of "potential life," begins at conception, no doubt adoption looks like a better option than it does to me. But giving a child up for adoption is by no means a universally "easy" decision. It is up to the individual woman to make a decision in line with her beliefs; a decision that she can live with for the rest of her years; a decision that for some is simple and obvious, and for others is difficult and wrenching. Those latter women have my utmost sympathy.

Crisis Pregnancy Centers deprive women of the chance to figure out the right decision for them through deceit, while comprehensive reproductive health organizations like Planned Parenthood provide counseling on the full range of options, so women can determine what best aligns with their beliefs. Some women know their decision right off the bat, and have no qualms or intention of wavering. Others are looking for the information that will allow them to make what is not, for them, an easy choice. These women deserve accurate information and shame-free counseling so that they can make the right choice for themselves; I know I wouldn't want to be tricked out of making such an important decision for myself.

Photo credit: Un ragazzo chiamato Bi